Week 7 Reflection
“When all else is gone, only hope lives on in the hearts of those who truly believe it exists.” – Nur Rein
Yes, I did come up with that saying. Well, at least as far as I know that is. But if anyone happens to know or recognize this saying from anywhere, please let me know… I don’t wish to plagiarize….
Why? Why did I suddenly bring this up?
Because I’ve finally found a truth to this. And I didn’t have to look far. I happened right in front of me. Let me start from the beginning….
All the names mentioned in this reflection are kept as they are because, well… you guys wouldn’t know them anyway…
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They were like my second family I’ve always loved. And he, he was like an older brother I’ve always wanted. I always thought we’d forever stay the way we are… But I was wrong. I supposed it was the change of time… or maybe our age difference… or maybe we’re just growing up. Whatever it was, I guess I’ll never know.
I started when Pak Long, my uncle, who was like a father to me, was diagnosed with brain and bladder cancer. And the worst thing was, it was too late when detected. There was absolutely nothing the doctors could do except to give him medication to slow down the effect. I remembered how heartbroken Mak Long, my aunt, was. I also remembered how heartbroken I felt. I was losing a father-like figure. And I knew it, no matter how much I denied it.
It was also around this time that I noticed the change in Abang Naim, my cousin, my brother-like figure. He wasn’t the same guy who used to give me piggyback rides, defended me when I was bullied and hugged me when I cried. He was different. Even when announced that his father was sick, he was indifferent. In fact was rushing off to a date with his girlfriend. Hah! Now, what kind of a son was he? Who was he? I don’t even know him anymore.
Just when I thought that the worst had presented itself, another news came. My own father was diagnosed with colon cancer. I remembered when he first told me about it. I broke down. I was so scared that I was losing him too. But I suppose I was a little lucky this time… It was detected early and well… long story short, my dad survived.
The same couldn’t be said for Pak Long. Everyday he was losing bits of his memory. And there came the time, he didn’t even recognize me anymore. He didn’t even remember who I was. I remembered crying by his bed, begging for him to remember but he didn’t. And all this while… where was Abang Naim??
Out. Dating. Clubbing.
Was I mad? No. Was I hurt? No. I was disappointed. Disappointed at the man he became. Yet. I still believed that there was a small tiny bit of the old Abang Naim I used to know deep down.
A few months later Pak long passed away in the hospital. Surrounded by his family. I was there when he took his last breath. I cried. Not because he was dying in front of me… but because, Allah, even if it was for a while, gave him his memory back and for the last few minutes before his death, he called out all our names. But my heart broke when he turned to Mak Long and asked:
“Mane Naim? (Where’s Naim?)”
And then, he was gone.
So where was Abang Naim at that time? I never found out. Because I never saw him until last week. At his wedding.
His wedding. His shotgun wedding.
This was the last straw. Everything that I had denied turned out to be true. He was officially a stranger to me now. The Abang Naim that I used to love and respect died the day he changed. It must’ve been years then… and maybe I was just in denial about it.
Now… this is where my saying comes in.
“When all else is gone,” – The death of my second father and the changed persona of Abang Naim.
“Only hope lives on in the hearts of those who truly believe it exists.” – This may not really refer to me… but more so to Mak Long. After all that’s happened to her family, she still believes that the newborn baby will bring joy and happiness back.
She’s one of the few who truly believe hope exists.
Do you??
